How Can I Be Helpful

Revenology Web Support • Dec 24, 2021

Everyone should have a tagline.


This is a true story.

Let me take you back to when I wore a younger man’s clothes.


I had convinced myself that, like my father, I would be dead at age 42. Why would I think that? From the time I was, well, as young as I can remember, I was compared to my father. That’s probably true of a lot of sons. I think dads like that; I know I did. Sons do until the music stops.


The music stopped when I was eighteen years old, and my dad died of a heart attack. He had scarlet fever as a boy, and it left him with a heart murmur. I was in the Air Force and on leave for the weekend when the Red Cross found me jumping off a second-story balcony into the pool below. They gave me a ticket and put me on a flight home.


At my dad’s funeral, people continued with, “you’re just like your dad.” Let me be clear; I looked exactly like my dad at every age. I sounded like him; my mannerisms were just like his. I held myself the way he did when he walked. One particular trait he had was that he would say his piece he were mad and move on.


My first wife knew my dad. But, unfortunately, she fell into the same habits as everyone else. The evidence becomes overwhelming when you receive so much sensory input from everyone who knew you and knew your dad. I had convinced myself that I would die like my father at the age of 42.


In my early 30s, I was responsible for six children, a wife, and roughly thirty employees in three states. I remember I was on an airplane thinking about expanding into the Texas market when I was going over the pros and cons in my mind, and it finally occurred to me I didn’t have that much time left. I was going to die.


Life changed. There was a sense of urgency that I didn’t have before. I sold the company, started another, and then sold it in less than twelve months. I didn’t have time for anyone; I had to make money and get things in order. . . NOW.

“Hey “DR, can we talk?” My wife asked. I said, “Sure, we can talk when I get home tonight.” She said, “No, I mean right now.” My wife wasn’t that type of person. I mean, she rarely had any sense of urgency in that way. She would never ask this of me when it came to keeping me from my business or any of my other activities. Suddenly, it sunk in, wait, this must be important. I said, “Sure, let’s walk outside through the garden.” That was her favorite place.


She said, “Let me ask a single question of you. Do you know how to spell TACT?” I said, “Sure T -A -C-T.” She said, “No, here is how you spell it, P I S S — O N — Y O U.”


I said, “Wow, really, I treat people that way? Really?” She said, “Really, and I want you to do something about that. You can no longer use people and then move on. That’s not who you are.” And with that, she walked back into the house. I felt like I’d had a load dumped on me.


In those days, I spent a lot of time on planes. I loved the time alone, time to think. It allowed me to center and focus. This trip was to Houston to discuss the merger between our company and a worldwide leader in our industry.


I had already done the prep work for the upcoming meetings. It was a good time to think about what my wife had said yesterday in the garden. She was right. As I went back over interactions with co-workers, clients, people I had just met, and others, it was not good. If I’m being honest, it was horrible. So, I decided to turn the barrel of the gun around and look at it from the people’s perspective.


The common denominator was that people were always coming to me for help. They were seeking understanding. I’m sure that most of them were leaving with the idea that I only cared about ME. But, you know what, I think they were right.


Communication is always the issue. How could I change? What would I have to say or do for them to believe me? I now understood the problem, the underlying cause (fear of death), and it was up to me to figure it out. By the time I arrived in Texas, I knew what I had to do.


“Good afternoon, gentlemen. On behalf of everyone in our company, I want to thank you for the opportunity to discuss this merger. I have a confession to make. I’m guilty of trying to accomplish too much at one time. I recalled my last conversation with Mr. _______ and realized that I was not helpful. In fact, I was probably just confusing and frustrating. That is not my purpose. I am here to be helpful. There are a lot of people and clients counting on us to do the right thing. So, gentlemen, How can I be helpful?”

And with that my life approach became different. I no longer wanted to focus on myself. I wanted to help others, sincerely. So, most of my conversations begins with, a steady and focused voice and appearance that says, “How can I be helpful?”

At age 43, I woke up one morning and thought; I’m alive, and it probably wasn’t going to change anytime soon. But, wait, what just happened? I didn’t die. This is great; I have my whole life in front of me. I think it’s time to focus on so many other things. If I can change the way I treat others, I can change anything.


By DR Rawson 20 Nov, 2022
You can address your comment to one or millions since 1964.
01 Jul, 2022
Admiration, that’s how it began for me. My parents died at age 42 and 44 respectively. At 19 years of age, I would begin my family with a wife of two years, a 15-year-old brother, and a 13-year-old sister. The only person older than me was my Grandfather. He called me to say that I was not alone. He told me to rely on prayer. He also said, anytime I didn’t know what to do (next), give him a call. I did. Over the ensuing years, there were many calls. There were more in the beginning and less as my family, including my siblings, grew to eight (for a time). My Grandfather said, “When you call, I will give you the principle upon which to make a decision. Make no mistake, the decision will be yours and yours alone.” When he was 87 he called me from Lake Isabella where he was living. I was living in Bakersfield, CA, and was reasonably close to him. I was forty minutes away. He said, “DR, I need you to pick me up today and take me to the hospital.” I asked why, knowing he would tell me in his own time. When I arrived, he was packed and quickened his pace to get in my car. He was not a man of many words. However, on the way to the hospital, he became “chatty Kathy.” He had so much that he wanted to say to me. He could hardly speak fast enough. Included were instructions, words of wisdom and so much more. Just before we pulled into the hospital's parking lot, he stopped talking and waited for me to park. Once parked, he said, “Will you become a Mason?” I said, “You know I’m running a business that covers three states. I hardly see my wife and kids now. Why would I take on more?” Here’s what changed my life. He said, “You know all of those principles and values we’ve discussed over the years? I said, “Of course. They have made me a better man.” He said, “How would you feel about becoming a Mason if you understood that the principles and values I’ve shared, have all come from Masonry and or the Bible?” I said, “There’s no doubt, I will be a Mason.” Then he went on to tell me that he had been a Mason since he was 21 years old. How And Why I Became A Mason My wife and I met and spent the next two weeks asking deep questions. You know the ones. The hard questions you think to ask just before you get divorced. Neither of us wanted to fail, again. Our marriage has lasted almost twenty-eight years. It’s because when we committed to each other, we knew what we were getting and what we each wanted. One of those deep questions from me to her was, “My Grandfather asked and then committed me to become a Mason. I don’t know how, but, is that a problem for you?” She said, “No problem here.” I thought great, now I just have to find out how. We’d been married about a year when I told my bride, “I’ve been thinking a lot about my Grandfather and becoming a Mason. Are you still O.K. with that? The next thing she said caught me off guard. Her words were, “Why don’t you call my Dad? He’s been a Mason since 1954. He joined the original Hollywood Lodge. To my surprise, my Father-in-law, Preston M. Jones, PP, 33, PM was well known in California Masonry. He had been an Inspector for the Grand Lodge for over twenty years. He was the El Bekal Potentate in 1981, Master of the International City Lodge in 1982, President of the Scottish Rite Charity in Long Beach, CA, and Master of the Robing Room for more than twenty-five years. It didn’t take long. I asked him to be one (a Mason). Then the process began. I learned so much more than my Grandfather had led me to understand. It wasn’t long before my Father-in-law (Dad) and I were always present at Masonic activities and with our wives. July, in California, is dedicated to letting others know you’re a Mason and why. I hope this story was helpful. See you on the square.
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Did you invite others?
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